There are two methods for increasing self-esteem. Unfortunately, the majority of us go about it incorrectly.
John’s psychotherapist recommended me to him for relaxation and motivation.
John was visiting a psychologist to improve his self-esteem and self-image, and he felt he was losing ground at the age of 28.
This sense of “missing out” added to his worry, causing him to become stiff and irritated.
John’s psychologists designed a self-esteem-building program for him.
He directed John to concentrate on
obtaining technical instruction in order to build a skill.
John chose to become a metal shop technician and enrolled in a program out of all the options.
Even though everything he was taught in class made sense, his nervousness made it difficult for him to achieve decent,
let alone passing, grades on tests. When he was referred to me, he was on the verge of failing.
The psychologist’s approach was standard: “achieve something, acquire something,”
and you’ll be on your way to boosting your self-esteem.
Yes, it’s the strategy employed in nearly all of the programs I’ve encountered for addressing low self-esteem.
Getting great at something is meant to help you overcome low self-esteem.
Unfortunately, this is a “catch-22” strategy that is certain to fail.
I’m not arguing that everyone who takes this strategy fails to achieve their goal of learning a
trade or reaching a certain educational level, but it does not foster self-worth or self-esteem.
It’s a recipe for disaster. With this method, building self-esteem is a myth.
Take a look around. The majority of your friends, family, and acquaintances have built their self-esteem on their achievements and gains.
Regrettably, the individual who overcomes low self-esteem and improves it primarily:
When his investment portfolio is lost in a stock market crash, he frequently commits suicide.
his wife’s love may grow unhappy and develop life-threatening cancer within two years of her death,
and subsequently dies himself, despite the fact that he was in good health before her death.
his position in life, he frequently becomes depressed and, within two years of his retirement,
develops a life-threatening condition and dies.
When he goes to another part of the country, he may suffer anxious panic attacks as a result of his social interactions and accomplishments.
When he has an incapacitating injury or is replaced by a younger, stronger athlete, he is more likely to get
extremely depressed and contract a life-threatening condition.
We could go on and on. For as long as his or her talents, abilities, and successes remain intact, each individual who
builds self-esteem based on an accomplishment, an ability, physical appearance, and so on feels good about himself or herself.
However, when their abilities, relationships, accomplishments, and other factors change, they get disoriented.
Is this a sense of self-worth? It’s not “self-worth,” but “things’ worth.”
In the face of all tragedy and loss, the person who has properly built self-esteem does not lose himself,
but rather is able to adapt and shift to any life circumstances because he knows his own value.
Returning to John, it was a challenge to get him out of his failing rut. More so because the psychologist put him up for failure—
indeed, the psychologist set him up for a life of low self-esteem.
He finally made it to the top of the hill and over the crest.
He overcame his low self-esteem by learning to deal successfully with life’s challenges and to like himself in the
face of disappointment, not by graduating from machine shop school (which he did),
but by learning to deal successfully with life’s challenges and to like himself in the face of disappointment.
Asking questions is an important part of building self-esteem in the proper manner.
What is missing from this picture?
Why is there still a crisis when there are so many programs for boosting self-esteem?
Teaching someone to get self-esteem from their successes is simply ridiculous.
It’s also important to keep in mind that:
Comparing ourselves to others destroys our self-esteem.
Some of our best-laid schemes will fail miserably.
o We are emotional beings, and rather than allowing our emotions to govern us,
we may accept and move past them.
Regardless of what we do or don’t do, we are all children of the cosmos who deserve to feel good about ourselves.
What we’ve learned to believe has simply made us feel worse about ourselves.
Love for our bodily, emotional, and spiritual selves are merited, and we won’t be
able to love others until we can love ourselves.
People who are egotistical do not love themselves.
Building self-esteem so that you like yourself even on a “poor hair day”
(when you don’t achieve your aim) yields actual results.